Loch Ness

 Loch Ness

“Did you hear the one about the giant monster that lives in the lake in Scotland? It might be a dinosaur that survived extinction. Or, it’s something else…”

Scotland. The green, lush, untouched land of the North. Centuries old, rich in history, and fucking cold! I know, I’ve lived there. My parents hail from the country, and although I love the mythology of the country, I couldn’t live somewhere that gets dark by 4pm in winter. It can be a harsh land, with it’s never ending winter, constant rains and grey clouds that never seem to go away, but it’s a beautiful country, hidden away from the rest of the world in its little corner of the globe. And near the town of Inverness, lives Scotland’s most famous lake. Host of more water than all the lakes in England and Wales combined, Loch Ness is an ever-expansive waterway, surrounded by towering green mountains, and accessible only by a rugged, one-lane road. And of course, it’s best known as the apparent home of the ever elusive, probably not real, but potentially existent, Loch Ness Monster.

Everyone’s favourite Urban Legend, old Loch Nessie. I thought it would be nice to finish this series of reviews on a pleasant note, as I realise we’ve looked at monsters, ghosts, killers and amputated penises! Now they’re through and done, sit back, relax and enjoy a nice little family favourite from 1996, aptly called “Loch Ness”.

Ted Danson stars as John Dempsey, a college professor who’s hit rock bottom. His car breaks down, he’s being chased for money and has zero professional credibility left. But his boss offers him a job to redeem himself “Go to Loch Ness, Scotland”. Naturally, John thinks he’s being asked to find the monster, but his boss says quite the contrary. “Go there and prove it’s not there” he offers. Out of options and out of money, Dempsey reluctantly takes the job and heads off to Scotland. 

Far from home and hating it, Dempsey reluctantly drags his feet through the nearby town, where his reputation as a monster hunter follows him. Colleagues from the scientific world approach him like adoring fans, asking how he tracked the Yeti and found Bigfoot. It’s a past Dempsey would like to forget, as it’s the reason no one takes him seriously anymore. And from all his past searchings of urban legends, he’s never found anything, so is in complete denial that he will find the Loch Ness. After all, it’s isn’t real… right?

Armed with a boat he decks out with the best scientific equipment, Dempsey hits the water, with the assistant of his predecessor tagging along. Up and down, back and forth; the professor maps the massive lake with his scanners and sonar gadgets, but nothing is detected. Once again, Dempsey is the centre of jokes and ridicule, as he puts his already tarnished reputation on the line to find something not even the locals believe exists. Until he meets a young girl on the banks of the lake. Her name is Isabel; a wee lass with locks of red hair, and the strongest Scottish accent since Billy Connolly. For the age of nine, she is very cluey and switched on, and might just hold the secret behind the truth of the Loch Ness monster. 

Theories abound on the legend of the Loch Ness Monster. It all began, as we know it best, with a picture that took the world by storm. Known as the “Surgeon’s Photograph” as it’s taker was a doctor who preferred not to be identified, this blurry, black and white snap from 1934, has been the subject of much debate over the last eighty years. It was enough to send the tourists and expeditions up to Loch Ness in droves, and since this photo was released, there have been over 1000 sightings of the creature, in varying forms. In the nineties, this photograph was analysed and claimed to be a fake; definitely not proof of the monster, but rather a toy monster in the water, which would explain the difference in scale from the head and neck to the ripples on the surface of the water. You decide.

Since this photograph, there have been numerous eyewitness accounts, more photos and a few videos that leave much to debate. In popular culture Nessie got the treatment in a few other films, despite the one you’re reading about, but they’re all rubbish, portraying the animal as a carnivorous monster that bites off heads. As the most famous and longest living Urban Legend of them all Loch Ness, is either real or its original “sightings” sparked off the imagination of the world, justified by the fact the lake itself is something of a biological mystery. Connected to the sea by rivers and canals, it’s possible that ocean life could enter and exit the lake at it’s own free will, and if something was caught in there during the ice age, it could have survived extinction. Who knows?

The animal has not wondered onto land in front of a thousand people to tell the world it exists, which is not the most likely of scenarios anyway. But when you think of the millions of species mankind has discovered over the centuries, there is a still a certain pocket of the planet, that might seem small in comparison, but in fact has only been discovered a total of 5%. And that is our world’s oceans. There are depths we cannot reach safely, where marine life is sure to flourish, and with Loch Ness being over 230 metres at its greatest depth, with dark, dirty water blocking any visibility only a few feet under the surface… hey, anything is possible right?  

And it’s the popularity of this most fabled of all urban legends that inspired this little film to be made. “Loch Ness” is not a film about the monster itself, but more about mans search for the monster. And it’s an interesting character study, when Dempsey validates his argument that the creature does in fact not exist. He references his past, about being the optimistic monster hunter that believed in the unseen and unexplained. But when he turns up nothing yet again at Loch Ness (to start with at least), he is reminded that like every other story about Bigfoot, aliens and UFO’s, they are probably just stories made up to makes us believe there is something better and far greater beyond what we just see with our own eyes. The unexplained mysteries of life allude to that, but when most of us never see such things, it’s hard to believe. That is what the message of this film is all about; “Believing is seeing” 

Loch Ness is a beautiful film to watch. The cinematography emphasises the grand scale of the lake from above, and works well in close up shots on the water, and under it, which detect at the presence of, something. The music sweeps and soars, as it inspires you to think big and believe in the mystery of Nessie. It could be there, swimming in the deep, dark recesses of the Loch. Peaceful. Mysterious. Ancient. And this films interpretation of the monster is wondrous and amazing, giving you just enough of a glimpse to relish in what the Beasty might look like, if it were real.






<<Return to List of Films