Teeth
Teeth
“Did you hear the one
about the guy who tried to force a girl into having sex – she took a bite out
of him, and I mean that literally”
Some filmmakers have pretty wild imaginations. In today’s
world, where shock and scares have to be of the most demented sort, one of
those filmmakers decided to tell a story about the dangers of pre-marital sex.
And by dangers, that means trying to make a girl have sex, who doesn’t want to
have sex – not just because it’s against her beliefs, but because she has a
toothed vagina. Yes, you read that right. That is the set up for the twisted
thriller “Teeth”.
I remember seeing the trailers for this film when it was
released in 2007, and then learnt that it refers to some kind of an urban
legend; Boys Beware – if you try to force a girl to have sex before marriage,
you will be punished for it. Not only would those boys be biting off more than
they could chew, but the girl would take a bite out of them – literally. And
you can take one guess what that would be…
The film tells the story of teenage girl Dawn, who lives
with her parents and brother. She’s a devout Christian, giving talks at her
school to younger students about the importance of waiting till marriage before
having sex. She even wears the Purity ring on her hand; showing her commitment
to keeping her virginity until she is married. She’s an attractive girl, and
catches the eye of more than one guy at her school. The first of them, is Toby.
A confident, eager young bloke who is also of the Purity type, but is still
just a teenage boy with urges like any other. Dawn likes him, and when her
hormonal changes get the better of her, she asks to see Toby in private.
What starts as flirting and friendly kissing, leads to more,
as Toby wants to take it further. Dawn tries to push him away, but it doesn’t
work. Out of the blue, he screams in
agony and pulls himself away from Dawn. Looking down at himself in shock, as
his penis has been bitten off. He runs away, out of sight and Dawn sits in
shock wandering what has gone wrong. She goes to see a gynaecologist the next
day, who gets a little too touchy and discovers Dawn’s secret for himself. From
here, the film clearly demonstrates what it’s about and has a valuable lesson
for any male – don’t be a Dick, or you might lose yours!
There’s not much else to say about Teeth without giving away
some of it’s other plot developments. But it doesn’t give you all the answers.
Just why is Dawn armed with sharp teeth down there? Is it because she believes
in Purity and was chosen by God to carry this burden? Her house is also
directly behind a nuclear power plant, so maybe it was a mutation of some kind?
Do her parents know about it? And what does Dawn start to do once she discovers
she has this curse? Her character changes, that’s for sure. The once naive and oblivious
girl of faith has an agenda and will punish any male who uses her body for
their own gain.
Watching this film did make me squirm. Anytime a guy sees
another guy get kicked in the nuts, it’s our natural instinct to cross our legs
as we feel their hurt. Taking a blow to the balls is another dimension of pain,
so Ladies – when we way it hurts even when you just bump us there, we mean it hurts. Much like giving birth I’m
assuming? (shouldn’t have said that – I’ll get in trouble now haha). But in
this film, I watched in shock and disgust at the few sorry blokes who fall prey
to Dawn’s villainous vagina. Be Warned – you will see severed penises, guys bleeding profusely from the crutch
and a few other disturbing moments that are as gross as they are galvanizing.
And the message here? When a girl says No, so means No. And
any guy who watches this will be thankful his Little John is still with him.
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